My personal winter

In the alone place
fear closes in as I sense my aloness
the part of me without You
that is lost
wandering in its own apprehensions
causing my spirit
to imitate a mime
pressing against invisible walls
that soundlessly threaten
suffocation by unconscious
yet deliberate isolation
And I long for the resuscitation
that Your breath brings
giving all my members
strength to my soul
causing me to unfold
like a wet new butterfly
fighting to unwrap itself
from the bondage of its
self-imposed cocoon
to spread new and unfamiliar members
for the very first time
testing their strength
readying these fragile members
for the act of ascending
not caring for the fact
that it is the struggle
which produces strength
to take wing and fly
while resisting the urge
to cast off my independence
and call upon Your help
I weary myself
and wonder at my ability
to continue on
to rise above
where I presently lie...
This place is not kind
to my spirit's expectations
and I am lost in the prison of my self
while You patiently hold the key and wait...
wait for me to invite You into this alone place...
But I have learned of
another space called time
that calls sweetly to me
that woos me gently to its bosom
causing me to rest in the discovery
that it is in the alone times
that I find You
refreshing me like newly falling dew
washing me in my own tears
imparting Your comfort
like liquid oil soothing my heart
melting my defenses
and all my reasons
why I deny You
until I find myself back in this place
where fellowship is sweet communion
where intimacy is second nature
where I am reminded of You faithfulness
and Your love for me...
yet there is a time called alone that I fear
but cannot seem to flee
for an invisible arm grips me suddenly
unexpectedly
while supports I counted true vanish
daring me to keep
my standards
in the face of a million opposing voices
I stand in the cold
shivering from my own indecision
torn by reality
of how little I trust You
as my stomach knots in hunger
for one word of reassurance
from You who holds the key to my wholeness
that I am really not alone...
Still there is a place called alone that I seek
tucked beneath the arm of God
warm and sweet
a place where I can lay my weariness
and unanswerable questions
finding revelation in the rest
that His heartbeat gives
as I burrow
deeper into the fold of His breast
lost in the depths of His mysteries
and riches untold
found in His love
that always finds me
when I feel most alone
It is here that I find that the alone place
is no more than my own personal winter
where all that is in me dies
A season of the soul
pressed between the tendency
of my flesh
and my heart to measure time
give it walls that hem in my spirit
and torment my faith
And so I wait for spring and the warmth of theSon
to release me
from the coldness of fear
I throw my arms open surrendering to the light
until I find myself
basking in Your love
reveling
in the alone times...

by, Michelle McKinney Hammond